I realize I was whining when I wrote yesturday. The rain always makes me depressed and grumpy.
Let's be realistic here. In a little less than one year, I have visited Halifax, Montreal, Thailand, BC, and San Diego. So, really, I shouldn't be complaining.
Sure, we have no "big trips" planned on the horizon, but we did just by a new house, a new dock, blinds for the house, and a whole speaker system for the house.
My hubby says that perhaps I am only truly happy when I am spending scads of money. Maybe he is right. I do get a high from it. He thinks that is a little crazy and maybe I should "talk to someone" about it. I think it is pretty normal to feel like that. Anyway, it is not like it is out of conntrol or something.
I was blaming my poor hubby, but without him I would spend all my money with little regard for things like taxes, savings, RRSPS, and property taxes. He takes care of the money situation and does an exceedingly good job.
I guess I just worry. I worry about running out of time. I worry I will decide to have kids, and it will be too late. I worry I will decide to travel, and it will be too late. I worry about spending all of my time at work. Life is just so short.
So, today I am going to try to turn over a new leaf. Despite the fact that it is still raining, I am goin to be thankful for what I have. Thankful for what has come to pass, and thankful for what may be. Maybe there is a compromise here. I could try, for the next few months, to not plan something. Instead do inexpensive things like go to the lake. Then, in the start of the new year I can plan a really nice hot trip somewhere. My hubby tells me he really does want to do that. Maybe we could even explore some of the places in our own back yard - Craik, Moose Jaw, Yorkton, etc. Maybe there is some hidden gem right here that I haven't yet found....
Monday, June 8, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Roads not travelled
I'm frustrated. I feel like I work a lot. Well, a reasonable amount anyway. I wouldn't want to work any harder. I know I make a decent amount of money. In fact, I saved a ton of money so I could make a large down payment on our new house. Now, however, I don't feel like I have any money. Or, at least that is what my husband tells me.
Ever since we incorporated, all of our money goes into the corporation. Sure, long term this is good. We can invest, make money, and save for our future. That is all very smart and mature. The problem is, I don't want to be mature.
I dreamed of the freedoms I would have when I finished school. I dreamed of seeing far away places, and experiencing new things. The list of places in the world that I would love to see has not decreased, but only grown as my knowledge of different places has increased. And yet here I sit, still dreaming. My hubby keeps telling me that we can't afford to go. It is too much money. We have too much stuff to pay for with a mortgage and property taxes and all that.
My question is: Why does this mundane stuff like mortgages and property taxes have to get in the way of living? 97% of the population has a mortgage. In my mind, it is just like paying for rent every month only you actually get something out of it in the end. Sure, it might be nice to pay it off, but should you kill yourself over it in the process?!
You can always say, we'll go later (this is what my husband says). We'll go when the house is paid for, the car is paid for, we retire....... But, what if that time never comes? What if, suddenly, you are struck with an illness, or accident, and you can't travel and experience the things you desire? Do you really want to risk looking back on your life and thinking, I should have..., I would have..., if only I could have...?
My husband says we shouldn't be "wasting money" all the time. He feels that if something isn't completly tangible forever (like a house, or car, or piece of marble), then it isn't worth having or doing. Travel just doesn't appeal to him. Why? Well, first it comes back to the tangible thing. Once the trip is over, he feels like that is it. No memories are worth that much money to him, and he can't be bothered to look at pictures. The other problem is he has seen all these places already. His family was in a very lucky position to be able to take him to Germany, Greece, Italy, Austria, etc. etc. So, other than Germany, why would he want to go again?
So, I could go by myself, but that comes with its own set of problems. First, if I went alone, he would be so mad at me. Not because I was travelling without him, but because I wouldn't be making money for that time period. He would be the only one "contributing" as he puts it. We almost got divorced when I took time off after finishing my residency for this reason.
Then, I could travel with someone, but it comes back to the money thing again. Not contributing again.
Finally, I really like travelling with him. I married him because most days I actually enjoy spending time with him. I think we travel well together. I would love to experience some of these things together.
So, despite figuring out a way we could fly to Frankfurt together for FREE, stay with his German family for FREE, and go on a mediterranean crise for CHEAP, here I still sit dreaming of the all roads not travelled.
Ever since we incorporated, all of our money goes into the corporation. Sure, long term this is good. We can invest, make money, and save for our future. That is all very smart and mature. The problem is, I don't want to be mature.
I dreamed of the freedoms I would have when I finished school. I dreamed of seeing far away places, and experiencing new things. The list of places in the world that I would love to see has not decreased, but only grown as my knowledge of different places has increased. And yet here I sit, still dreaming. My hubby keeps telling me that we can't afford to go. It is too much money. We have too much stuff to pay for with a mortgage and property taxes and all that.
My question is: Why does this mundane stuff like mortgages and property taxes have to get in the way of living? 97% of the population has a mortgage. In my mind, it is just like paying for rent every month only you actually get something out of it in the end. Sure, it might be nice to pay it off, but should you kill yourself over it in the process?!
You can always say, we'll go later (this is what my husband says). We'll go when the house is paid for, the car is paid for, we retire....... But, what if that time never comes? What if, suddenly, you are struck with an illness, or accident, and you can't travel and experience the things you desire? Do you really want to risk looking back on your life and thinking, I should have..., I would have..., if only I could have...?
My husband says we shouldn't be "wasting money" all the time. He feels that if something isn't completly tangible forever (like a house, or car, or piece of marble), then it isn't worth having or doing. Travel just doesn't appeal to him. Why? Well, first it comes back to the tangible thing. Once the trip is over, he feels like that is it. No memories are worth that much money to him, and he can't be bothered to look at pictures. The other problem is he has seen all these places already. His family was in a very lucky position to be able to take him to Germany, Greece, Italy, Austria, etc. etc. So, other than Germany, why would he want to go again?
So, I could go by myself, but that comes with its own set of problems. First, if I went alone, he would be so mad at me. Not because I was travelling without him, but because I wouldn't be making money for that time period. He would be the only one "contributing" as he puts it. We almost got divorced when I took time off after finishing my residency for this reason.
Then, I could travel with someone, but it comes back to the money thing again. Not contributing again.
Finally, I really like travelling with him. I married him because most days I actually enjoy spending time with him. I think we travel well together. I would love to experience some of these things together.
So, despite figuring out a way we could fly to Frankfurt together for FREE, stay with his German family for FREE, and go on a mediterranean crise for CHEAP, here I still sit dreaming of the all roads not travelled.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
houses
Last night we had a little house warming party. Mostly people from work. It was fun, but a bit of work (cleaning, food, planning, etc.). I still look around this house and think to myself, "Do we really live here?". Someone described it well yesturday, as a "grown-up house". And that it is. My hubby tells me I will die here (he never wants to buy another house, and still thinks buying this one was a bad idea), I disagree, but am happy here nonetheless.
Hoever, even as we are happy in our new grown-up house, I still think about our little condo. Alone, empty, just waiting patiently to be loved by someone again. We went by today, and I was a bit sad. On one hand I always felt like that was my hubby's house, not really mine. But, we did live there together and it was always where I stayed when I would come to Regina to do rotations, so there are memories there.
It is too bad that it hasn't sold yet. It is a nice little starter home, or executive condo. It was perfect for us - yard work and snow removal taken care of, but still in a great location and with nice upgrades within. I just can't believe that it wouldn't be perfect again for someone else.
The biggest problem is really the money. I wish we could sell it. That would help with the stress my hubby feels about buying this house. We would feel relieved. Maybe then he would be a bit more relaxed about spending money on frivolous things, like travel. However, in a buyers market in a recession, it is hard. I still think the right person will come along. We just have to be patient. As I said, it was perfect for us, so why not for someone else?
Hoever, even as we are happy in our new grown-up house, I still think about our little condo. Alone, empty, just waiting patiently to be loved by someone again. We went by today, and I was a bit sad. On one hand I always felt like that was my hubby's house, not really mine. But, we did live there together and it was always where I stayed when I would come to Regina to do rotations, so there are memories there.
It is too bad that it hasn't sold yet. It is a nice little starter home, or executive condo. It was perfect for us - yard work and snow removal taken care of, but still in a great location and with nice upgrades within. I just can't believe that it wouldn't be perfect again for someone else.
The biggest problem is really the money. I wish we could sell it. That would help with the stress my hubby feels about buying this house. We would feel relieved. Maybe then he would be a bit more relaxed about spending money on frivolous things, like travel. However, in a buyers market in a recession, it is hard. I still think the right person will come along. We just have to be patient. As I said, it was perfect for us, so why not for someone else?
Saturday, May 30, 2009
one year ago
One year ago it all came true. The culimination of everything I had been working for for so long finally came to pass. One year ago I wrote, and passed, my Royal College exams.
I was sitting in the OR listening to the soft beep beep of my monitors as the surgeon continued on with surgery and I realized what the date was. I realized that right then some of my friends were in the middle of their exams. I told this to the nurses, and told them that one year ago I passed my exams. I got goosebumps.
I remember that day so vividly. I remember not wanting to eat breakfast because I was nervous, but knew I had to have something in my stomach. I remember putting on the suit and special shoes I had bought for the occaison. I remember driving in our rented car and getting stuck in construction and worrying about not being there in time. I was stressed, but trying to calm my hubby down (who was driving). I remember the big white tent outside the Royal College. I remember the little "pep talk" they gave before the exam. No, not what he actually said, just the small room and little chairs, and a dozen nervous faces all chuckling at his poor attempt at humor. You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. I remember how I felt after each question. The first set really good, the next not as good, and by the last was thinking that I hadn't done so well. I remember rushing through the little survey they had at the end so I could leave. I just had to get out of there! I remember stepping out of the building and frantically phoning my hubby to come and pick me up, but he was there, a crooked little smile on his face. I remember feeling, what? Relief that it was over? Trepidation? I am not sure, but there was a rush of emotions and as soon as I saw him, I started to cry. Like I said, I had talked myself into thinking that I hadn't done very well.
Later on, we went for dinner with my best friend and her partner. It was a lovely meal, only slightly spoiled with a phone call. One of the other people I had written with had phoned to tell me that she had found the exam SO easy and that she had just found out she passed. I never knew how much I really disliked her until that moment. What if I had not passed?
Finally, the moment of truth. Shaking, I typed in my password onto the computer, to wait for what seemed like an eternity, to find out I had passed! Oh, the joy in that moment. I doubt there will ever be a greater feeling in the world than that. I truly cannot describe it.
Since that moment my life has only gotten better. I work in a great environment, have a new house, and am generally loving life. I feel truly blessed.
So much has happened in a year and it all started one year ago.
I was sitting in the OR listening to the soft beep beep of my monitors as the surgeon continued on with surgery and I realized what the date was. I realized that right then some of my friends were in the middle of their exams. I told this to the nurses, and told them that one year ago I passed my exams. I got goosebumps.
I remember that day so vividly. I remember not wanting to eat breakfast because I was nervous, but knew I had to have something in my stomach. I remember putting on the suit and special shoes I had bought for the occaison. I remember driving in our rented car and getting stuck in construction and worrying about not being there in time. I was stressed, but trying to calm my hubby down (who was driving). I remember the big white tent outside the Royal College. I remember the little "pep talk" they gave before the exam. No, not what he actually said, just the small room and little chairs, and a dozen nervous faces all chuckling at his poor attempt at humor. You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. I remember how I felt after each question. The first set really good, the next not as good, and by the last was thinking that I hadn't done so well. I remember rushing through the little survey they had at the end so I could leave. I just had to get out of there! I remember stepping out of the building and frantically phoning my hubby to come and pick me up, but he was there, a crooked little smile on his face. I remember feeling, what? Relief that it was over? Trepidation? I am not sure, but there was a rush of emotions and as soon as I saw him, I started to cry. Like I said, I had talked myself into thinking that I hadn't done very well.
Later on, we went for dinner with my best friend and her partner. It was a lovely meal, only slightly spoiled with a phone call. One of the other people I had written with had phoned to tell me that she had found the exam SO easy and that she had just found out she passed. I never knew how much I really disliked her until that moment. What if I had not passed?
Finally, the moment of truth. Shaking, I typed in my password onto the computer, to wait for what seemed like an eternity, to find out I had passed! Oh, the joy in that moment. I doubt there will ever be a greater feeling in the world than that. I truly cannot describe it.
Since that moment my life has only gotten better. I work in a great environment, have a new house, and am generally loving life. I feel truly blessed.
So much has happened in a year and it all started one year ago.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I hate The Brick
I hate The Brick.
We have bought a lot of stuff from them over the years - two couches, two chairs, etc. Always because we liked their products and we thought they had OK service. That was until we actually needed their service.
We recently bought a washer and dryer set, and a mattress and boxspring set. Not cheap items. Everything was ducky until we told them where we live. Now, because we live 10km outside the city, their service has gone to shit. They only deliver "out of town" on certain days of the week, and never at night or on the weekend. What a bunch of crap! I can run 10km! So you can't tell me that it is really that far.
We had to fight with the manager to get our stuff delivered at a time when we would actually be home. But, it doesn't stop there.
The first guy who sold us our mattress was really gung-ho, but didn't really know anything about what he was selling. I have since learned that a mattress is not something to take lightly. You don't just buy one because someone tells you it is "the best". Since buying that mattress, my back has ached every morning. In fact, I can't sleep more than about 5 hours or so because I have to get up secondary to pain. Luckily, they let you try out the bed and you can change it.
When we went to the second guy he asked us all sorts of questions about our sleep habits and immediately was able to tell us that the mattress was too firm for us. So, why hadn't the first guy asked us all this?! We wouldn't need to have our mattress exchanged if he had actually known what he was talking about! Not to even mention the washer and dryer. The guy helping me knew less about the machines than I did! I am not some house wife who sits at home dreaming of a new washing machine, but I had at least done some research. He could have too! I finally settled on a set because my husband was fading with interest fast, and the guy couldn't even tell me if they carried the one that I wanted. What a bunch of idiots!
And now we are in the delivery problem again. I took today off, thinking that it would be delivered today, which is what they told us. But, here I sit without a new bed! Apparently, it isn't even here and the date they told us about was only tentative. So, when were they planning to tell us?! Now, I have to try and rearrange my life again so they can bring out a mattress that will, hopefully, be better at some imaginary later date that they have yet to tell us about.
They should be happy they even still have customers in an era like now. That is my new mission in life. I am going to tell everyone about what poor service I have received at The Brick and what idiots they are. Hello blogger, hello Facebook. Bring it on, Brickey.
We have bought a lot of stuff from them over the years - two couches, two chairs, etc. Always because we liked their products and we thought they had OK service. That was until we actually needed their service.
We recently bought a washer and dryer set, and a mattress and boxspring set. Not cheap items. Everything was ducky until we told them where we live. Now, because we live 10km outside the city, their service has gone to shit. They only deliver "out of town" on certain days of the week, and never at night or on the weekend. What a bunch of crap! I can run 10km! So you can't tell me that it is really that far.
We had to fight with the manager to get our stuff delivered at a time when we would actually be home. But, it doesn't stop there.
The first guy who sold us our mattress was really gung-ho, but didn't really know anything about what he was selling. I have since learned that a mattress is not something to take lightly. You don't just buy one because someone tells you it is "the best". Since buying that mattress, my back has ached every morning. In fact, I can't sleep more than about 5 hours or so because I have to get up secondary to pain. Luckily, they let you try out the bed and you can change it.
When we went to the second guy he asked us all sorts of questions about our sleep habits and immediately was able to tell us that the mattress was too firm for us. So, why hadn't the first guy asked us all this?! We wouldn't need to have our mattress exchanged if he had actually known what he was talking about! Not to even mention the washer and dryer. The guy helping me knew less about the machines than I did! I am not some house wife who sits at home dreaming of a new washing machine, but I had at least done some research. He could have too! I finally settled on a set because my husband was fading with interest fast, and the guy couldn't even tell me if they carried the one that I wanted. What a bunch of idiots!
And now we are in the delivery problem again. I took today off, thinking that it would be delivered today, which is what they told us. But, here I sit without a new bed! Apparently, it isn't even here and the date they told us about was only tentative. So, when were they planning to tell us?! Now, I have to try and rearrange my life again so they can bring out a mattress that will, hopefully, be better at some imaginary later date that they have yet to tell us about.
They should be happy they even still have customers in an era like now. That is my new mission in life. I am going to tell everyone about what poor service I have received at The Brick and what idiots they are. Hello blogger, hello Facebook. Bring it on, Brickey.
Friday, May 8, 2009
accidents happen
Ever since Monday I haven't slept right. Ever since Monday I have been afraid. Ever since Monday I have felt sick in the bottom of my stomach. Monday night I crashed my car.
I was on my way to work to start my evening of call. I was rushing. Someone hit me and crashed in my car. It was my fault. I have no excuse, just rushing.
No one was hurt, and yes, that is the most important thing. However, I still feel sick. I feel terrible. Not only for the damage to a car that technically isn't mine (my hubby pays for it), not only for the fact that it is a brand new car, not only that I damaged someone elses car, but because it could have been a LOT worse. No, no one would have died, but anyone of the people invovled in the accident could have been hurt.
Now, whenever I drive down the street I am anxious. Is something else going to happen? Will this time it be someone elses fault, but still not a good outcome? I can still hear the sound of metal against metal, the brakes screeching, and, of course, my own screams in my ears.
I wish I could go back through time. I wish I could make it better, but I can't. Accidents happen, I know, but it doesn't help this feeling.
At least they are fixing the car. At least soon it will be over. A bad memory, but that is all. Sigh. I just wish I could get over it a bit sooner.
I was on my way to work to start my evening of call. I was rushing. Someone hit me and crashed in my car. It was my fault. I have no excuse, just rushing.
No one was hurt, and yes, that is the most important thing. However, I still feel sick. I feel terrible. Not only for the damage to a car that technically isn't mine (my hubby pays for it), not only for the fact that it is a brand new car, not only that I damaged someone elses car, but because it could have been a LOT worse. No, no one would have died, but anyone of the people invovled in the accident could have been hurt.
Now, whenever I drive down the street I am anxious. Is something else going to happen? Will this time it be someone elses fault, but still not a good outcome? I can still hear the sound of metal against metal, the brakes screeching, and, of course, my own screams in my ears.
I wish I could go back through time. I wish I could make it better, but I can't. Accidents happen, I know, but it doesn't help this feeling.
At least they are fixing the car. At least soon it will be over. A bad memory, but that is all. Sigh. I just wish I could get over it a bit sooner.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
spring fun
I love spring and summer. After a LONG cold winter I relish the sun and warmth. Today was a fantastic day! So warm and lovely. Even Jurgen decided he could stand to be outside a bit. We went to the driving range here in White City to "slice" a few balls. So learning to golf! So not good! Alas, but it is still fun. I may be able to convince hubby that we should take lessons. That might be a nice hobby we could do together.
Kitties decided they wanted to be outside too. They have discovered that being out is fun with all the new sights and smells. This time, however, it was Seven who rolled in the dirt! Good thing I invested in some kitty bath wipes! I do love to see them happy, though.
A few more weeks and we will be out at the lake!
Kitties decided they wanted to be outside too. They have discovered that being out is fun with all the new sights and smells. This time, however, it was Seven who rolled in the dirt! Good thing I invested in some kitty bath wipes! I do love to see them happy, though.
A few more weeks and we will be out at the lake!
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