The good and the bad

There are lots of changes that occur during pregnancy. Some of them are not very nice, and most people won't talk about them. Things like nausea (thank God for Diclectin), constipation, and gas. I did, however, find a book that I would recommend to everyone who gets pregnant for the first time that goes over everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. It is called "Taboo Secrets of Prenancy" and it is written by this sassy gal who is not afraid to tell it like it is. I laughed so hard that I thought I might pee my pants! Luckily, I haven't had problems with that yet! :) I think it is because of these bad things that a lot of women really don't like being pregnant.
Luckily, pregnancy is not all bad (if it was, who would do it again?). For one thing, there is a really great prize at the end! There are some really wonderful things that happen as well. Things like hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time in your OBs's office, seeing that miraculous baby via ultrasound (that one was really amazing. It totally hits home that there is a LIFE growing inside of you, a little person!), and feeling the baby move for the first time. Not to mention all of the great girly stuff that gets to happen, like buying furniture, shopping for clothes, and picking out names. The one thing, though, that stands above all the rest for really wonderful things that happen in pregnancy is the closeness between partners. Sure, this doesn't always happen, but I have been very lucky. People say this is a very stressful time, but it has really brought us closer as a couple. I am more in love with my husband now than I ever was before. When I saw the baby on ultrasound and knew everything was OK for the first time, I cried. Not just because of that, but also because I was carrying a little piece of our love inside me! My hubby touches my tummy (he's the only one I allow), talks to the baby, and makes funny jokes all the time. I just glow with happiness everytime I see him give me that special little smile when he thinks how cute I look. I love him so much! I can't wait to meet this little peanut and show them how much they are loved by their mom and dad who love each other so much. One big family of love!!

If you don't have anything nice to say....

Warning: The following blog contains venting and profanity.

WHY are people so mean? Or Stupid? Or Both?! Seriously people, didn't your mother teach you any manners? You know the old adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!" So, what does that mean? If you can't come up with something actually helpful, useful, or nice, then shut the F$%K up!
OK, what am I ranting about? Pregnant ladies are sensitive. But regardless, don't say these things. Don't tell me how long or how much your labour hurt (everyone is different, and no one wants to know that)! Don't tell me that you will laugh when I am labour and think I will scream like a banshee (bitch)! Don't tell me how THIN you were when you were pregnant and no one knew you were even pregnant (read this with sarcasm)(bitch). Or, how you didn't even need to buy maternity clothes (maybe you were already fat?)! Don't tell me that I should get used to annoying sounds because I will be wishing for those sounds in a couple of months (so my life is going to suck after kids, nice)!
Why would you say any of those things? Shouldn't you say how much you loved being pregnant, how thin and great the new pregnant lady looks, how you labour was easy and hope mine is the same, and how much you love your children? Yes, say that, or just be quiet.
I have always said to people exactly what I would want to hear. I just don't see the point of being mean. I am much more positive than that. I guess my Mama did teach me manners.

Ultrasound

We had our anatomical scan today. This was the first of 3 Ultrasounds that my husband was able to attend. The Tech was really awesome. We told her that we were both Anesthesiologists, and so when my hubby had questions she was able to answer them and didn't dumb it down for us. I am such a visual person that this was great! Even though I am not a sonographer, it is pretty easy at this stage to see all the important stuff - heart, brain, stomach, belly, all four limbs, all 10 toes and fingers! She told us everything looked great. Not only that, but the radiologist was kind enough (as a professional courtesy) to briefly go over the scan with us! That really made hubby feel better! He did, however, say that they would like to get a better look at babe's heart because we came a bit early (17wk5d because my MSS triple screen was borderline), and it is actually easier to see stuff later on. That is no problem with me - I love seeing the ultrasounds! Little peanut was so wiggly this time, she actually had a tough time getting some of the views! Haha! That was super cute to see! All of this is so exciting. I think now, finally, we can start to relax and maybe even buy some stuff!!

The Cat is Out of the Bag

Last week I was "outed" by one of the nurses that I work with. I was keeping a secret for quite awhile now, but I guess things like this can only be secrets for so long.
I'm pregnant, for the first time ever. So, now, unlike my previous blogs about work or play, a lot of them will have this as the focus. It is a wonderous, strange, scary, exciting time in my husband and my life. Not only is my body changing, but our lives will soon change as well.
So, I am going to document the changes as they occur. Belly photos, baby photos, things I love, and even complaints, will all be revealed.
I will admit, in my previous blog I talked about how "my cats are better than kids", but this was in response to a world that I was living in that seemed to tell me that I wasn't worth the same as someone with kids (I didn't deserve the same vacation time, or breaks as them). I have grown a lot since then. I still feel that people without kids deserve the same as those without, but that doesn't mean that I can't now experience this wonder for myself. In the end, there were so many reasons to have kids and experience the joy that comes with them, that we had to do it (although truthfully, I was much more convinced than my hubby)!
Right now, as I write, I am almost 17 weeks pregnant. This makes me due in late January. So, stay tuned for all the crazy changes to come!

Doing nothing

Sometimes it is nice to just do nothing. OK, not like lay in bed and hide, nothing, but not work and not have a care in the world. My husband and I didn't get much in the way of vacation time this summer. In fact, we got a whole 5 days. I was pretty bitter. Others in our department got 3 weeks or even a month off! I guess it is partially my fault. I applied for vaca way to late. Now, I know for next time. Regardless of what our schedullor says, apply months in advance.
Enough whining.
So, our 5 days off we didn't go anywhere. We just had a "staycation", and it was lovely. Days filled with reading, sunning, maybe going to the lake if we felt like it, and hot tubing (although we turned it cold because it was SO hot those days). Then, back to work for a day, and then a weekend of also doing nothing. Today, I worked out, ate very healthily, had a long luxurious bath, and now am here on the interweb. So lovely to not have a care. Oh sure, I could be doing some other projects like my grand rounds presentation, like working on Phase C or Phase D stuff, but I just didn't feel like it. I may decide to go grocery shopping for just a few things, and maybe stop in a store or two to browse, or not. Either way, it will be relaxing and lovely.
Sometimes you just need to treat yourself. Sometimes you just need to do nothing.

Lesser of Two Evils

You've heard the saying: choosing between the lesser of two evils. Sometimes, it is not that easy. Both of the choices are evil, or not good. So, then what do you do? I am a talker. So, I talk to a bunch of different people and get there opionions. Let's be honest. Sometimes I do this because I just want to hear that I am not crazy and that someone else thinks what I want to do is OK, just to get reassurance. It is much harder to do this when it is a controversial subject. People have very strong feelings, that just might not jive with your own. So, I still talk and ask, but I don't find it that helpful. Especially, when the person I love the most thinks differently than me, but is willing to do whatever I want (also not helpful). I don't know. It is just so hard. Not to mention that the outcomes aren't even certain. Evil number one COULD happen, but so evil number two COULD also happen if I make that choice, but nothing is set in stone. It is all about statistics. A number game. And, sometimes numbers lie.

Come on! Just one more!

I love to travel. It has always been me dream to visit new places, see exotic things, and have new experiences. I thought that by working really hard, and getting a great job, I would be able to afford to do this. It turns out that being able to afford something doesn't always mean one is able to. The problem is my husband.

Don't get me wrong. I love my husband, more than anything. I used to think that this love for travel was something we shared. We certainly have been a lot of places together. But, apparently he "hates travelling". I don't think that is entirely true. He hates spending money, he hates waiting in lines, he hates being squished in with a bunch of people he doesn't know nor care to know. OK, I get that. No one likes that, but it is the price you pay when you want to travel somewhere.

It is starting (or maybe continuing) to become a problem in our relationship. Every time I want to go somewhere I feel like I have to go on a marathon 6 month fight to get him to agree. So, I have said to him on numerous occasions that I am happy to travel alone. For example, I went to Vegas with just the Anesthesia girls, and it was a blast!! There is also a conference in Chicago that I want to go to and would be happy to attend again with those girls. But this is not good enough. He doesn't want to be left at home, by himself, to work. Well, make up your mind!!

In the end, he always has a great time when we go anywhere. He likes the same things that I do, for the most part, so I really don't understand it. Why is it always a fight?

He says that I "get my way to much", that I "make no sacrifices", that I should "learn to suffer or go without". I say, I worked really hard to get where I am, and I work hard now, so I should be able to enjoy life now while I am young, especially before we have kids (because we all know what happens then - you just can't travel like you did before).

So, I don't know what to do. Do I keep fighting in the hopes that I win? Do I just go without him (even though he is my best friend, and I love to spend time with him, which is why I want him to come)? Or do I accept defeat and lay over and play dead like a dog? None of those sound very appetizing.