breast and bottle

Breastfeeding has become a hot topic in the last while.  First, in Australia an add was taken off the air after a dad was bottle feeding his infant stating that was the reason he didn't smoke.  A good message:  He doesn't smoke because of his little one.  But the La Leche League freaked and forced it off air saying it didn't give a good message because he was bottle feeding. 
Then, the opposite when Time Magazine released its recent front cover with a model on it breast feeding her 4 year old son.  The controversy over that was EVERYWHERE, from Facebook to talk shows. 
I take a different stance on this issue.  A stance that I have maintained since the beginning.  You need to do what is right for you and your family. 
Do I bottle feed?  Yes.  Do I breast feed?  Yes.  Do I think one is better than the other, or worse?  HHmmmmm, that was is a bit difficult.  We all know breast is best, but let's be realistic here.  It doesn't always work.  If it was that easy or instinctual, there wouldn't be 100 books written about it, and the formula guys would be out of a job.
When my daughter was jaundiced she wouldn't breastfeed.  She was just too sleepy.  But, the only way to get rid of the jaundice (without having to stay longer in hospital and be under the UV lights) was to get her to eat and poop it out, and so that meant bottle feeding.  But we didn't give up.  I pumped and we gave her that, we bottle fed her formula, and we worked at the breast feeding.  Suddenly, just after 4 weeks of age, she figured out the whole breastfeeding thing.  It was glorious!  But that didn't mean that we stopped the bottle feeding.  No, we continue to do both.  Bottle feeding allows my husband to be involved and has allowed him to become bonded with our daughter.  Breast feeding allows her to get the best nutrition that I can give her, and helped us bond as well.  Bottle feeding allowed me to go back to work early at 3 months, and have my mom come in to look after her.  Breast feeding helped her to not get the gastroenteritis that I got because she received my antibodies.  There really are benefits to doing both.  It is a nice compromise.
The biggest issue here is how people make other people feel about their decisions.  The La Lechers are too lung up on exclusively breast feeding.  We need to be realistic.  If you can breast feed, great.  If you need to supplement, fine.  If you can't breast feed and only bottle feed, great.  In the end, if your baby is healthy and growing, who cares?  People just need to relax a bit.

Bad mother?

I am debating something, and the answer is not clear. I love my job. I am proud of what I have accomplished and where I have come so far. And, I miss it.
I also love my daughter. She is an absolute miracle and gift, and I cherish the time we are spending together. I am fascinated by her development in such a short amount of time. There is, unfortunately, a but....
I feel isolated, and let's be honest, a bit bored. When I have something to do during the day, like an appointment, a friend coming over, getting groceries, etc., it can take up the whole day. But, when I don't I end up spending a lot of time in front of the TV. Jorja still sleeps a lot, and when she does, in my arms, I watch TV (I can't sleep during the day). We try to go for a walk during the day, or sometimes I work out when she is sleeping, but it doesn't seem like enough. I look forward to when her dad comes home so I can have someone to talk to, but then, I don't have anything to talk about, other than what she has done during the day. I could go out, but then I would just end up spending money. Which, at this point, is not a good thing, when last month neither of us made any money (both being on leave).
So, I have been thinking about going back to work one day a week. This would give me a chance to have some adult conversation and keep up my skills. In addition, it would probably make me appreciate the time I have with Jorja that much more.
Does this make me a bad mother? Should I not want to go back to work? I just don't know how stay at home moms do it. Maybe they are better people than I am. Maybe they are more imaginative and creative on how they spend their time. Maybe they know better ways of stimulating their newborns than I do. I thought a half day to one day a week might just be enough to whet my appetite, but I just don't know. Can I have it all?

6 weeks

I can't believe how time flies. It has been six weeks since the birth of my first child. Jorja is growing like a weed, as they say. She has already gained 2 lbs (over a kilo, actually) and 5 cm (2 inches) in length. She has a cute little pot belly and is starting to have a bit of a personality.
Pregnancy was somewhat as I expected, although different when you are actually the one experiencing it. Labour and delivery was nothing like I expected it - some things were better (like how bad the contractions were (not so bad), and how good the epidural worked), and some things were worse (like needing a section, having a really high block with local anesthetic toxicity, and the side effects of the morphine). My recovery, however, was better than I expected. I bounced back quick and by 4 weeks was working out, and by 6 weeks doing my prepregnancy workout and abs.
Motherhood was nothing like I expected, either. OK, I expected sleep deprivation, and at the beginning I was surprised at how much this knocked me on my ass. I mean, I do call all the time and am used to staying up all night, but not EVERY night. To tell you the truth, the hospital was the worst. The first night (after labouring all night the night before), they came in every hour to check if I was breathing (really?!) and every second hour to feed, and then the second night Jorja was awake every hour to two to feed. So, it was 3 days before I had more than about an hour of good sleep. Once I got home, my hubby and I figured out a system that worked for us, and I actually got some sleep.
I didn't expect how much I would love this little person. She truly is a gift from heaven. Yes, there are times when I want to throw her in a snowbank, but for most part I love her to bits. I think she is SO beautiful. I love dressing her up like a little doll. I love hanging out with her. And having her in our lives has made me love my husband that much more. There is nothing sexier than seeing my husband cuddled up with our baby. She just loves him. Sometimes, he is the only one who can make her stop crying. We really are a little family, and a great team.
So, I knew I wanted to do this, but now I'm glad. I had my misgivings before she came along - would I be a good mom? Would I know what to do? I still have those thoughts, but I am learning to take it one day at a time and learn with her as we go and grow together. Yes, the sleep deprivation and flabby body are worth it.

She has arrived!!

Please welcome Jorja Marlene Maslany! Born Jan. 23 at 1240 weighing in at 3. 18kg and 49cm long. She has a ton of blond hair, and at this point blue eyes! Pretty different from her parents who have brown hair and either green or brown eyes. Luckily, she has enough features of us that we are sure we took the correct baby home, haha.
As much as labour and delivery was NOT how we wanted it to go at all (emergency csection after 2.5 hours of pushing, and toxic doses of local anesthetic), and breastfeeding is a bust, we love our little monkey to pieces! She is so beautiful and the light of our lives.
My hubby is amazing as well. So loving, so caring, so great. He has really taken to fatherhood. In fact, so much so that he was sad today when I wouldn't let him feed her. He has also sang her her first lullaby - a German march song (translated as "The Tank Song"). She loves it!

Belly photos - last set

This is 37 weeks. Not too much longer to go!




39 weeks! I was very fortunate to not get any stretch marks during my pregnancy, so my belly is still quite nice. Now, just the waiting.....

On her own terms

I have made a big decision. OK, not that big. I was trying all these different things to get baby to come: Red Raspberry Leaf tea, pineapple, bouncing on a yoga ball, evening primrose oil, spicy food.... None of it has worked. I am sick of the tea and everything else. So, I have decided to let her come on her own terms. Really, let's be realistic. That is what is going to happen anyway.
I shouldn't be rushing this, I guess. You really have a short period of time to enjoy your pregnancy. And, unless you are the Duggers, you aren't going to be pregnant every year and have 19 kids (Yuck). So, you should try to enjoy it. And I have. I have had such a good pregnancy. I really can't complain. No complications, no problems. I am still fairly small, haven't gained too much weight, and don't even have stretch marks!
But, it is getting to be enough. Today at work I felt just awful. I was short of breath even just sitting there. Then, I had belly pains, gas and bloating. Not to mention her stretching into my liver and giving me gallbladder pains. So, I am not enjoying everything. And, I do wish she would come. But, I am still not going to do anything about it. She will come eventually. In the meantime, I have some projects and work to keep me busy. Only 9 days until my due date. The countdown is on. Now, if she will just listen and not go postdates!

sleep?

It seems like all I have done during this pregnancy is worry. In the beginning it was: Is there two? Is she OK? Is there an anomaly? Then, it was: Is she growing enough? Is she OK?
Now, it's: What will labour be like? Will I be OK? What will it be like at home with her? Will I be a good mom? How will we cope?
Does it ever get better/easier? Do you ever stop worrying? I am thinking not. I am an adult (who will not reveal her age), and I know my parents still worry about me. I guess it is just something I will have to get used to.
Unfortunately, it is affecting my sleep. That, and my constantly stuff nose (although I don't have a cold). Being unable to breathe, and unable to turn my brain off, makes for very few hours of ZZZzzs. It would be nice to have a nap some days, which I do some days, but I am still working, so most days not. Alas.
Now that I am 38 weeks, I am starting to really want to meet this little girl. There are all these old wives tales about bringing on labour, but I don't actually think anything works. I think I am just destined to wait. As long as she is still OK, I should be happy right?
Well, I will post more belly pics and baby pics hopefully soon!!