Wednesday, October 28, 2009

vaccine and humor

I got the H1N1 vaccine today. With all the hype and worry, not to mention potential danger to myself and my patients, I thought it would be a good idea if I was vaccinated. As I got it first thing at work, before my day started, they allowed me to "budge" in front and get the shot. All the nurses in the OR were in the line behind me watching as I got it.

It is so funny how we use humor to cope with stressful situations. We were all laughing, saying how we needed someone to hold our hand because we might cry, joking that we would take all the chocolates so there would be none for anyone else. Then, as soon as it was done someone said, "oh, she looks pale!", followed immediately by, "She's always pale!" and more laughter.

I find this is always the way in medicine. With anything stressful or scary we often use humor to cope. Most the time it is black humor. And sometimes it is so dark that it might even be offensive to people not in the medical profession or in that situation. Sometimes with a group of people in the medical field we can get to talking about "funny situations" that no one else gets but us. We are geeks, if nothing else.

Anyway, as much as we used humor to get through "the little prick", now my arm is hurting, and my head has felt foggy all day. I would like to blame the shot on the fogginess (if that is a word), but who really knows? Maybe it is the cold I had last week. Maybe it is just being tired. In the end, hopefully it will all be worth it and I will have protected myself and my patients.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

bad dream

I had a horrible dream last night. It was so weird, and so sad. I dreamt that for some reason I had to euthanize my two cats.
Now, you have to understand just how important these cats are to me. They are my family, my friends, my babies.
In this dream I knew this had to be done, but I didn't want to do it, but I couldn't help it either. I was the one to euthanize them. I watched them die. It was awful.
I woke up not just sad, but absolutely sobbing. I was horrified with what we had done, riddled with guilt, and totally devastated by the outcome.
Why would I dream something so awful? What could my subconscious possibly be trying to tell me? I need to be better to my kitties? I don't think so. There are very few cats who are as spoiled and well taken care of as them!
My husband thinks I am too attached to them. Well, I don't have other little things (like kids) to love, so why not?
In the end, it was a stupid dream that most likely means absolutely nothing. It is too bad that it had to affect me so much.