date is set

Peanut is not behaving. She is upside down, still. I have an Ultrasound coming up to confirm this, but according to my OB and myself (I would have felt it if she moved) she is still breech. So, rather than wait around, we have tentatively booked the date for my C-section. I wanted it a bit earlier, but it seems like there are a lot of babies being born by section in January.
She could still turn. And then, I will have a decision to make. Do I have a purely elective section? Or, do I do things the natural way?
And, I could go into labour before hand. Then, I would be at the mercy of whomever is on call for OB and Anesthesia.
I am completely out of control here, and being an anal-retentive Type A personality who does a job where control is of the upmost importance, it is not easy. I just have to let go and trust in what will happen, and that the people looking after me will do a great job. I'm sure they will.
Pregnancy is a lot about relinquishing control. You have no control over when you get pregnant, what sex the baby is, what direction they will be in, how much they'll weigh, or when they will come. The only thing you have control over is their name, and we can't decide on that, lol. I guess for someone like me, it is a good experience to not have control all the time. For now, someone else is, and she doesn't have a name yet.

Belly photos - set 3

Because of our trip to AZ, I didn't post for awhile. This is 28 weeks. See if you can tell?
This is now 30 weeks. Only 10 more weeks to go (or hopefully less)!!!
I think I have quite the bump now. ;) Soon, whe the nursery is finished, I will take pics of that too.

Little Girl

Little girl, I dream of you.
What will you look like?
What will you act like?
Who will you aspire to be like?

Little girl, I dream of you.
All the moments we will share.
All the memories we will make.
All the fun we will have.

Little girl, I dream of you.
Little dresses full of lace.
Little ribbons in your hair.
Little dresses and tiny shoes.

Little girl, I dream of you.
Cheering as you graduate.
Glowing at your wedding.
Crying when you have your first baby.

Little girl, I dream of you,
and can't wait to meet you.

worry-wort parent?

I think I am a worry-wort. First, I was worried about the pregnancy. You hear so many horror stories, and people at the beginning said some awful things, so I didn't know what to expect. Then, I was worried about the baby. Would there be something wrong? Would I be able to carry to term? What about all the stuff you can't test for? Well, the last two I still worry about, but the other stuff passed and was OK.
Now, I am worried about being a parent. What if I can't handle it? What if I suck? What if my baby has colic and I am unable to cope? What if my baby never sleeps? What if we can't find childcare? What if there IS something wrong with her? How will I know what to do? What she needs?
I guess everyone feels like this, and it probably doesn't get better when you first meet them. Then, it is probably worse for a bit. Like, "holy shit, what have we gotten ourselves into?"
You hope that you have a great support network that might be able to help you and give you good advice. You hope your loved ones, and those who have been through this will be able to shed some light and lend a helping hand, but in the end it is you who has to deal with things and learn to cope. After all, it is your baby, and your life choice.
I read somewhere that if you are worried you won't be a good parent, that already points to the fact that you probably WILL be a good parent (really bad parents wouldn't care). I just wish kids came with an instruction manual or something and you could take a test before they were born. Then, if you didn't pass (with flying colours) you weren't ready to have a baby and you should just wait. Some people have even suggested licenses for becoming parents, but that is a whole other issue (and blog!).
I have armed myself with literature and websites. I will attempt to control the things I can (like having the nursery ready, and maybe the house baby-proofed). As a control-freak, though, it is hard to let go of all the other stuff.
I worried about all the other things in my life (school, work, relationships), so I guess it is only natural to worry about this. They all turned out, so hopefully this will too.

the amazing pregnancy

I am still amazed by this whole pregnancy thing. Sure, I see a gradual change in my body (bigger boobs, growing belly), but sometimes it is easy to forget WHY these changes are happening.
I was sitting in the tub today looking at my belly. A few minutes later, I could see all this movement going on! Almost like the belly of the people in "Aliens" my belly contorted and rippled with the life beneath it. So cool to see, and so cool to feel. My husband thinks it's cool too. Sometimes he grabs my belly and jostles it saying "wake up!". I was delighted when he giggled as she responded by moving around.
The whole process is just amazing. Think about it. Two "halves" of genetic material join together to make a single cell. Then the DNA tells the cell what to do and what to make. It divides again and again and again turning into a blastocyst, and then an embryo that resembles a tadpole. Finally by week 10 it is actually a fetus in which all the precursors of all the organs are formed. From then on it is all about refining those organ systems, and growing into a full term baby.
Sorry about the science lesson, but as I said, I am fascinated. I took and embryology class in my undergrad degree and then again in Medical School, so I remember a lot of the details.
I have been very blessed with this pregnancy. Oh sure, I was sick at the beginning, and really tired, but that passed. Everyone says how great the second trimester is, and they are right. I felt good. Now that I have made the transition to the third trimester I am expecting a few more bumps, but so far so good.
Now, I just need to get completely organized and ready to meet this little peanut!!