Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Together We Stand

I just reread my last post. It was a bit depressing.
Luckily, some sleep, exercise, and time off goes a long way. We spent yesterday early evening setting up the nursery. Sure, it isn't very exciting yet, but it was a start. We put together the crib (from Ikea) and dresser. AND, there wasn't any profanity, and our marriage is still just fine, LOL! It is really starting to look like a nursery.
My hubby is back to rubbing my belly and telling me how cute it is.
I am sure there will be some scary and tumultuous times ahead, but together we can face anything.

Monday, September 19, 2011

buiders and babies

My husband is feeling very overwhelmed. I can't say as I really blame him. We went to Calgary recently for some shopping. We are building a cabin at the lake and our builders are there, so we went to pick stuff out. I thought we did a great job. We definitely know what we like, so it was pretty easy. We would ask them to give us an economical option (it is a cabin, afterall), and we would pick something from there. We started with the tile, which we are putting everywhere, and then built out from there. Our builder was really impressed with how much we accomplished in one day. So much so, that they didn't feel the need to meet with us again. Admittedly, we are still waiting on the blueprints, and contract, but I felt so much better after picking everything so that when they get started, they can just go.
Then, the next two days we spent getting baby stuff. First we went to this really great mall just outside of Calgary. If I wasn't pregnant, I could have done some serious spending damage - clothes, shoes, accessories, etc., but since I am, I really don't see the point in spending money on stuff that isn't baby related at this point (or house related). As my hubby says, "we are on an austerity program!" So, the day was spent buying maternity clothes (a bit depressing), and looking at strollers, which we eventually bought. Then, it was off to get a playpen, crib, dresser, crib tent (to prevent the cats from getting in), and some clothes.
When we dropped over $500 in one store on baby stuff (and I thought that was nothing), he started to loose it. He started to get really overwhelmed. And, my reaction wasn't very good. I got really offended and took it as if he wasn't interested in the baby and was really regretting our decision. I don't think that's it. I think he is just overwhelmed. At the end of the weekend, he asked me if we could please not talk about babies or baby stuff anymore.
I try not to be offended with stuff like that, and I shouldn't be. I think it is very different for us. Afterall, this is not happening directly to him like it is to me. I mean, he wasn't nauseated. He isn't getting big. He doesn't have cramps and worry that it is something bad all the time. So, for him, it is not quite real.
Some of the worries are the same for both of us. Sometimes I mourn what I know we are giving up: dinners out at the drop of a hat, sleeping in on weekends, sleep period, loud tv watching, independence and alone time, travelling (for me this is a big one). I keep saying to him that everyone says it is so worth it, and they wouldn't give it up for anything. If everyone who has kids says this (recognizing that sometimes your kids drive you crazy), why wouldn't it be true? It isn't like someone pulls you aside after the birth of your child, and tells you that now you are part of a special club that holds a conspiracy against all those people who don't have kids and are thinking about having them. You MUST tell them how good it is. You CANNOT tell them how much it sucks. That just doesn't seem likely.
At the same time, I am realistic. As I said, I know what we are giving up. I also have some idea of how hard the first little bit will be. I am sure that at some point I may even for a moment regret our decision (after nights of not sleeping and changing the 6th diaper in a short period of time), but I have to believe it will all be worth it in the end.
Maybe it isn't just my hubby that is feeling a little overwhelmed.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Belly phots - set 1

This is me at 17 weeks, side view. I think at this point I just look like I have a pot belly.

This is 17 weeks again, front view. Not a very flattering view, honestly.

This is me at 19 weeks. Surprising, but you can see a difference between the two photos. Maybe starting to look more like a preggie belly than pot.

19 weeks from the front. Still not flattering.

My hubby teases me about my belly, so I thought I would take a pic to compare. This is HIS belly at 19 weeks!!

And, HIS belly from the front! I think my belly is nicer, haha! Even looks like he has a bit of Linea Nigra there. ;) Who is laughing now?! I still think he is cute, though.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Nightmares and Mess

I am not in as good of an emotional place as I was with the last blog, unfortunately. I am feeling a little lost, overwhelmed, and sad.
It all started yesterday. We were having two families over for dinner. That's two couples with each of their two kids. In total, I was cooking and cleaning for 10 people, which is something I usually only have to do once a year (Christmas). And, I am nothing if not anal retentive, so I was cleaning and preparing all day for this. I purged a little bit of stuff along the way (which I have been wanting to do). It was a lovely evening, but I was stressed all night. I kept worrying that the kids were going to wreck something in the house. It bothered me that one kid kept his shoes on and walked around the house all night (God, I hate that. When ANYONE does that. It is so american). It bothered me that there were cupcake crumbs in a "breadtrail" all the way from the kitchen to downstairs where they were watching a movie. It bothered me that at one point one of the little girls was jumping on the couch and then vaulted herself into the air landing only inches from our glass coffee table, and no one seemed to care but me.
Then, early this morning I had a horrible dream. I dreamed that I had lost the baby at 21 weeks (I am 19 weeks now). I was sad in the dream, but also happy that I had my body back. WTF?!
So, what does all this mean?! My hubby proudly said to me last night that he had coped better with the kids than I did, and I might have a worse time of it than him when we have ours. Awesome. Yeah, like I wasn't already thinking that. I reminded him that I never grew up with kids. I was the youngest in my family and did not even have any younger cousins, so this will be all new. I can handle our mess, and probably the mess of a baby, but others' messes not so much.
Am I destined to be a horrible mother? Will I be one of those controlling freaks who never let their kids do anything? Will I end up regretting this amazing decision? Am I in love with the idea, but not the reality? Today, I just feel disillusioned, sad and worried. Maybe it is all fine, and I just had too much sugar last night.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

The good and the bad

There are lots of changes that occur during pregnancy. Some of them are not very nice, and most people won't talk about them. Things like nausea (thank God for Diclectin), constipation, and gas. I did, however, find a book that I would recommend to everyone who gets pregnant for the first time that goes over everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. It is called "Taboo Secrets of Prenancy" and it is written by this sassy gal who is not afraid to tell it like it is. I laughed so hard that I thought I might pee my pants! Luckily, I haven't had problems with that yet! :) I think it is because of these bad things that a lot of women really don't like being pregnant.
Luckily, pregnancy is not all bad (if it was, who would do it again?). For one thing, there is a really great prize at the end! There are some really wonderful things that happen as well. Things like hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time in your OBs's office, seeing that miraculous baby via ultrasound (that one was really amazing. It totally hits home that there is a LIFE growing inside of you, a little person!), and feeling the baby move for the first time. Not to mention all of the great girly stuff that gets to happen, like buying furniture, shopping for clothes, and picking out names. The one thing, though, that stands above all the rest for really wonderful things that happen in pregnancy is the closeness between partners. Sure, this doesn't always happen, but I have been very lucky. People say this is a very stressful time, but it has really brought us closer as a couple. I am more in love with my husband now than I ever was before. When I saw the baby on ultrasound and knew everything was OK for the first time, I cried. Not just because of that, but also because I was carrying a little piece of our love inside me! My hubby touches my tummy (he's the only one I allow), talks to the baby, and makes funny jokes all the time. I just glow with happiness everytime I see him give me that special little smile when he thinks how cute I look. I love him so much! I can't wait to meet this little peanut and show them how much they are loved by their mom and dad who love each other so much. One big family of love!!