Jane Fonda

I was watching Oprah today and Jane Fonda was on. They were taking a look back at her life, as she has just published her memoirs. What an amazing life she has had! And, to look the way she does at 72! Wow.

She said something that resonated with me. She said for so much of her life she was worried that "Today was the day they might find out" she was a fraud. I think we ALL feel that way. We all have accomplishments that we are proud of, and I don't think it has anything to do with that. It has to do with self doubt, and we all have it. That nagging feeling that maybe we don't belong, that we haven't really accomplished what we did on our own two feet. That there has been some mistake, and somehow, sometime we will be found out. I worry that someone will find out that I shouldn't do medicine, that I am not qualified, and I don't belong. Clearly, this is not the case, as I have all the paper documents to prove it, but the worry remains. I guess when something is so important to you, you really don't want anyone to take it away, and worry about it.

For so many years she felt like this, but doesn't anymore. Amazing that with age, she could over come this. Is it wisdom? Is it age? What gave her this revelation? It gives one hope that despite being a different person at different ages, we can learn from our past. We can forgive, and let go, and grow into a stronger more beautiful person.

Stupid Microsoft

Sometimes I wish I wasn't such an idiot.

Oh sure, that might sound funny coming from someone with 14 years of post-secondary education and two degrees, but there are definitely different types of intelligence. I may be able to memorize something and think through a problem in my work place, but when it comes to other things I am just a total idiot.

I asked for a new computer for my birthday. There is some debate about whether or not I specified that I wanted a Mac or not. Regardless, I find it is hard to use. It is definitely not intuitive. For example, opening up multiple web browser pages takes multiple steps with the Mac. Downloading software from the internet takes a special web browser. Things like that. Why can't it just be simple?

Then, I made the error of actually calling the "help line" listed on the website where I downloaded (or attempted to) some software. No one was helpful at all. Stupid Microsoft and their stupid help line that was not helpful at all. In short, I spent two and a half hours calling different hotlines. I spoke to over a dozen people on three different continents, and no one seemed to be able to fix the problem (nor help with) I was having. To me the problem seemed simple: I can't download the software I purchased. That shouldn't be that hard to fix, right?

It seems that the biggest problem was actually finding someone who was willing to take ownership in this. I was bounced back and forth between different agencies: "No, you need the Canadian Microsoft". "No, you need the Microsoft Store." "No, we don't deal with downloads, you need technical support." "Oh, we don't deal with Macs here, you have to call another line." And my personal favourite, "We can't fix a download from Microsoft, you need to call this other company who deals with the downloads."

Ultimately, it boiled down to me getting so frustrated and angry that not only did I want to chuck this stupid computer in the snow, but I vowed to never buy anything from Microsoft ever again! Sigh, as Microsoft and Apple are the two big computer giants, I have to deal with one of them.

I managed (with tears) to convince my husband to see what he could do. I didn't ask him earlier, because he is always saying how I never do anything for myself (except earn a living, cook, clean, laundry, and plan every fun thing we have ever done). Then, he couldn't finish the download because he needed a password to get into my computer. He wondered why I put one on in the first place. Simple: it asked for one during set up, and I am tired of him being in my business. Well, that was a big mistake in saying that! He refused to help at all after that. Luckily, I managed to figure the password out.

So, if I wasn't such an idiot I would...

Remember my passwords, know how to use a Mac computer, know just how to download stuff, know not to download stuff from a website, and maybe never have gotten a Mac all together.

Sigh, too bad about the idiocy. All I can do now is live with it.