I am stressed. But, not about "real" things. When I was a resident, I worried all the time about how I was doing. Was I learning enough? Did people think I was smart? Was I going to be good at my job? Can I really do this? What if I don't know enough? What if someone dies because of me? Etc..... Then, there was always the stress of the exam. Would I be able to pass it? Again, what if I don't know enough? What would people think if I didn't pass? Oh, the humiliation!
The time came for my evaluations, and the exam. I passed. I did know enough. I was not humiliated. Then, I worried about starting work: Would I know enough? Can I really do this? What if someone dies because of me? I started work. I do know enough (although there is always more to learn), and I can really do this.
So, now what am I stressed about? Well, in chronilogical order: Apparently I am not such a cook. This week I have tried to go outside my comfort zone and make some new items. Unfortunately, they didn't really work the way I wanted them too. What will I make for supper tommorrow? Why does nothing ever work out? How can I get my hubby to take a turn at cooking?
Kids. Should we have them? Do I want them? Sometimes I think I do. Sometimes I think I can make the commitment. I see my friend's little 6 month old and marvel at how cute he is! Look at his clothes, his smile, his chubby face. But I worry. Would I be a good parent? Would I even like kids? What about the couple time? What about my life? Would kids fit into my life? Can I even have them? Maybe I waited too long. And if I do want them, how do I get my husband to be convinced that this is what he wants to?
Then, My girlfriend is getting married and I am giving a speech. I have put it off, but I can no longer. Time is running out, and I still haven't completed it. Sure, I have some ideas, but it isn't solid. So, I think: What if it isn't good enough? What if people laugh? Or don't? What if my friend hates it?
Finally, I am planning a miniconference for the anesthesiologists of Saskatchewan. It is only one day, and yet I feel like I have hours and hours and hours of work to do for it. I feel, again, like time is running out. What if I don't get enough money? What do I do about the residents? What if the day sucks? What if the food sucks? What if the entertainment sucks? How do I get the day accredited? What if I can't get it accredited?
So, are these really things to be stressed about? Or, am I one of those people who always has to have something to be worried/stressed about? Sure, maybe the last one is stressful, but the first? And the middle ones, I am not so sure.
Now, I am just stressed about worrying. Geesh.