Friday, October 3, 2008

insurance and dying

I thought I was dying. Not a very pleasant thought. See, I had applied for disability insurance and had a physical exam. This was over two months ago, so I finally called the place through which I was applying. They had a look at my file and said, "Oh, you're not approved, didn't you get the letter?". No, I didn't get any letter. Why would I be phoning if I did? Apparently they sent it to the wrong address. So, she sends me the letter.

Meanwhile, I am freaking out. I MUST be dying. Why else would a healthy person like me be denied insurance? I just ran a half marathon not two weeks ago! What could it be? Well, I thought it must be something that I don't know about, something in the blood they took. Didn't they have to tell me if they find something? But then, the letter went to the wrong place, so maybe they tried to. Anesthesiologists are high risk, afterall for lots of blood-borne infections, the scariest of which is HIV and HCV. Sure, my last needle poke all my blood work, and the patient's was negative, and it was over a year ago, but you never know.

I started thinking that these are DEADLY viruses with no cure. I was worried. Worried I was going to die and that I wasn't ready yet. I want to have kids (thinking I was going to die, solidified that one). I want to see the world. I want to enjoy life a little more. Besides, I just moved to the same city as my hubby. I am just starting to enjoy life again! This couldn't be the end! I was sobbing, thinking all of these things. Thank God for good friends who can talk some sense into you!

Well, I am not dying. The minute I found out I jumped into bed with my hubby and kissed him! It turns out that I wasn't approved because of my Celiac's disease. As much as that really sucks, I was relieved. I know it isn't a big deal regardless of what some stupid insurance company says. I asked them about the blood work, and they said that there was nothing abnormal, and if there was they would have sent it to my doctor's office. I have been told that I just need to go to a different insurance company. One of them will insure me. There are people who are a lot sicker than I am who still get insurance.

It is surprising what it takes to shake your tree. Some things make you think about what is important, what you want out of life. A little sad that it took a real scare to make me think.

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