I am debating something, and the answer is not clear. I love my job. I am proud of what I have accomplished and where I have come so far. And, I miss it.
I also love my daughter. She is an absolute miracle and gift, and I cherish the time we are spending together. I am fascinated by her development in such a short amount of time. There is, unfortunately, a but....
I feel isolated, and let's be honest, a bit bored. When I have something to do during the day, like an appointment, a friend coming over, getting groceries, etc., it can take up the whole day. But, when I don't I end up spending a lot of time in front of the TV. Jorja still sleeps a lot, and when she does, in my arms, I watch TV (I can't sleep during the day). We try to go for a walk during the day, or sometimes I work out when she is sleeping, but it doesn't seem like enough. I look forward to when her dad comes home so I can have someone to talk to, but then, I don't have anything to talk about, other than what she has done during the day. I could go out, but then I would just end up spending money. Which, at this point, is not a good thing, when last month neither of us made any money (both being on leave).
So, I have been thinking about going back to work one day a week. This would give me a chance to have some adult conversation and keep up my skills. In addition, it would probably make me appreciate the time I have with Jorja that much more.
Does this make me a bad mother? Should I not want to go back to work? I just don't know how stay at home moms do it. Maybe they are better people than I am. Maybe they are more imaginative and creative on how they spend their time. Maybe they know better ways of stimulating their newborns than I do. I thought a half day to one day a week might just be enough to whet my appetite, but I just don't know. Can I have it all?
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Belly photos - set 3
Because of our trip to AZ, I didn't post for awhile. This is 28 weeks. See if you can tell?
This is now 30 weeks. Only 10 more weeks to go (or hopefully less)!!!
I think I have quite the bump now. ;) Soon, whe the nursery is finished, I will take pics of that too.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
the amazing pregnancy
I am still amazed by this whole pregnancy thing. Sure, I see a gradual change in my body (bigger boobs, growing belly), but sometimes it is easy to forget WHY these changes are happening.
I was sitting in the tub today looking at my belly. A few minutes later, I could see all this movement going on! Almost like the belly of the people in "Aliens" my belly contorted and rippled with the life beneath it. So cool to see, and so cool to feel. My husband thinks it's cool too. Sometimes he grabs my belly and jostles it saying "wake up!". I was delighted when he giggled as she responded by moving around.
The whole process is just amazing. Think about it. Two "halves" of genetic material join together to make a single cell. Then the DNA tells the cell what to do and what to make. It divides again and again and again turning into a blastocyst, and then an embryo that resembles a tadpole. Finally by week 10 it is actually a fetus in which all the precursors of all the organs are formed. From then on it is all about refining those organ systems, and growing into a full term baby.
Sorry about the science lesson, but as I said, I am fascinated. I took and embryology class in my undergrad degree and then again in Medical School, so I remember a lot of the details.
I have been very blessed with this pregnancy. Oh sure, I was sick at the beginning, and really tired, but that passed. Everyone says how great the second trimester is, and they are right. I felt good. Now that I have made the transition to the third trimester I am expecting a few more bumps, but so far so good.
Now, I just need to get completely organized and ready to meet this little peanut!!
I was sitting in the tub today looking at my belly. A few minutes later, I could see all this movement going on! Almost like the belly of the people in "Aliens" my belly contorted and rippled with the life beneath it. So cool to see, and so cool to feel. My husband thinks it's cool too. Sometimes he grabs my belly and jostles it saying "wake up!". I was delighted when he giggled as she responded by moving around.
The whole process is just amazing. Think about it. Two "halves" of genetic material join together to make a single cell. Then the DNA tells the cell what to do and what to make. It divides again and again and again turning into a blastocyst, and then an embryo that resembles a tadpole. Finally by week 10 it is actually a fetus in which all the precursors of all the organs are formed. From then on it is all about refining those organ systems, and growing into a full term baby.
Sorry about the science lesson, but as I said, I am fascinated. I took and embryology class in my undergrad degree and then again in Medical School, so I remember a lot of the details.
I have been very blessed with this pregnancy. Oh sure, I was sick at the beginning, and really tired, but that passed. Everyone says how great the second trimester is, and they are right. I felt good. Now that I have made the transition to the third trimester I am expecting a few more bumps, but so far so good.
Now, I just need to get completely organized and ready to meet this little peanut!!
Monday, September 19, 2011
buiders and babies
My husband is feeling very overwhelmed. I can't say as I really blame him. We went to Calgary recently for some shopping. We are building a cabin at the lake and our builders are there, so we went to pick stuff out. I thought we did a great job. We definitely know what we like, so it was pretty easy. We would ask them to give us an economical option (it is a cabin, afterall), and we would pick something from there. We started with the tile, which we are putting everywhere, and then built out from there. Our builder was really impressed with how much we accomplished in one day. So much so, that they didn't feel the need to meet with us again. Admittedly, we are still waiting on the blueprints, and contract, but I felt so much better after picking everything so that when they get started, they can just go.
Then, the next two days we spent getting baby stuff. First we went to this really great mall just outside of Calgary. If I wasn't pregnant, I could have done some serious spending damage - clothes, shoes, accessories, etc., but since I am, I really don't see the point in spending money on stuff that isn't baby related at this point (or house related). As my hubby says, "we are on an austerity program!" So, the day was spent buying maternity clothes (a bit depressing), and looking at strollers, which we eventually bought. Then, it was off to get a playpen, crib, dresser, crib tent (to prevent the cats from getting in), and some clothes.
When we dropped over $500 in one store on baby stuff (and I thought that was nothing), he started to loose it. He started to get really overwhelmed. And, my reaction wasn't very good. I got really offended and took it as if he wasn't interested in the baby and was really regretting our decision. I don't think that's it. I think he is just overwhelmed. At the end of the weekend, he asked me if we could please not talk about babies or baby stuff anymore.
I try not to be offended with stuff like that, and I shouldn't be. I think it is very different for us. Afterall, this is not happening directly to him like it is to me. I mean, he wasn't nauseated. He isn't getting big. He doesn't have cramps and worry that it is something bad all the time. So, for him, it is not quite real.
Some of the worries are the same for both of us. Sometimes I mourn what I know we are giving up: dinners out at the drop of a hat, sleeping in on weekends, sleep period, loud tv watching, independence and alone time, travelling (for me this is a big one). I keep saying to him that everyone says it is so worth it, and they wouldn't give it up for anything. If everyone who has kids says this (recognizing that sometimes your kids drive you crazy), why wouldn't it be true? It isn't like someone pulls you aside after the birth of your child, and tells you that now you are part of a special club that holds a conspiracy against all those people who don't have kids and are thinking about having them. You MUST tell them how good it is. You CANNOT tell them how much it sucks. That just doesn't seem likely.
At the same time, I am realistic. As I said, I know what we are giving up. I also have some idea of how hard the first little bit will be. I am sure that at some point I may even for a moment regret our decision (after nights of not sleeping and changing the 6th diaper in a short period of time), but I have to believe it will all be worth it in the end.
Maybe it isn't just my hubby that is feeling a little overwhelmed.
Then, the next two days we spent getting baby stuff. First we went to this really great mall just outside of Calgary. If I wasn't pregnant, I could have done some serious spending damage - clothes, shoes, accessories, etc., but since I am, I really don't see the point in spending money on stuff that isn't baby related at this point (or house related). As my hubby says, "we are on an austerity program!" So, the day was spent buying maternity clothes (a bit depressing), and looking at strollers, which we eventually bought. Then, it was off to get a playpen, crib, dresser, crib tent (to prevent the cats from getting in), and some clothes.
When we dropped over $500 in one store on baby stuff (and I thought that was nothing), he started to loose it. He started to get really overwhelmed. And, my reaction wasn't very good. I got really offended and took it as if he wasn't interested in the baby and was really regretting our decision. I don't think that's it. I think he is just overwhelmed. At the end of the weekend, he asked me if we could please not talk about babies or baby stuff anymore.
I try not to be offended with stuff like that, and I shouldn't be. I think it is very different for us. Afterall, this is not happening directly to him like it is to me. I mean, he wasn't nauseated. He isn't getting big. He doesn't have cramps and worry that it is something bad all the time. So, for him, it is not quite real.
Some of the worries are the same for both of us. Sometimes I mourn what I know we are giving up: dinners out at the drop of a hat, sleeping in on weekends, sleep period, loud tv watching, independence and alone time, travelling (for me this is a big one). I keep saying to him that everyone says it is so worth it, and they wouldn't give it up for anything. If everyone who has kids says this (recognizing that sometimes your kids drive you crazy), why wouldn't it be true? It isn't like someone pulls you aside after the birth of your child, and tells you that now you are part of a special club that holds a conspiracy against all those people who don't have kids and are thinking about having them. You MUST tell them how good it is. You CANNOT tell them how much it sucks. That just doesn't seem likely.
At the same time, I am realistic. As I said, I know what we are giving up. I also have some idea of how hard the first little bit will be. I am sure that at some point I may even for a moment regret our decision (after nights of not sleeping and changing the 6th diaper in a short period of time), but I have to believe it will all be worth it in the end.
Maybe it isn't just my hubby that is feeling a little overwhelmed.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The Cat is Out of the Bag
Last week I was "outed" by one of the nurses that I work with. I was keeping a secret for quite awhile now, but I guess things like this can only be secrets for so long.
I'm pregnant, for the first time ever. So, now, unlike my previous blogs about work or play, a lot of them will have this as the focus. It is a wonderous, strange, scary, exciting time in my husband and my life. Not only is my body changing, but our lives will soon change as well.
So, I am going to document the changes as they occur. Belly photos, baby photos, things I love, and even complaints, will all be revealed.
I will admit, in my previous blog I talked about how "my cats are better than kids", but this was in response to a world that I was living in that seemed to tell me that I wasn't worth the same as someone with kids (I didn't deserve the same vacation time, or breaks as them). I have grown a lot since then. I still feel that people without kids deserve the same as those without, but that doesn't mean that I can't now experience this wonder for myself. In the end, there were so many reasons to have kids and experience the joy that comes with them, that we had to do it (although truthfully, I was much more convinced than my hubby)!
Right now, as I write, I am almost 17 weeks pregnant. This makes me due in late January. So, stay tuned for all the crazy changes to come!
I'm pregnant, for the first time ever. So, now, unlike my previous blogs about work or play, a lot of them will have this as the focus. It is a wonderous, strange, scary, exciting time in my husband and my life. Not only is my body changing, but our lives will soon change as well.
So, I am going to document the changes as they occur. Belly photos, baby photos, things I love, and even complaints, will all be revealed.
I will admit, in my previous blog I talked about how "my cats are better than kids", but this was in response to a world that I was living in that seemed to tell me that I wasn't worth the same as someone with kids (I didn't deserve the same vacation time, or breaks as them). I have grown a lot since then. I still feel that people without kids deserve the same as those without, but that doesn't mean that I can't now experience this wonder for myself. In the end, there were so many reasons to have kids and experience the joy that comes with them, that we had to do it (although truthfully, I was much more convinced than my hubby)!
Right now, as I write, I am almost 17 weeks pregnant. This makes me due in late January. So, stay tuned for all the crazy changes to come!
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