My husband is feeling very overwhelmed. I can't say as I really blame him. We went to Calgary recently for some shopping. We are building a cabin at the lake and our builders are there, so we went to pick stuff out. I thought we did a great job. We definitely know what we like, so it was pretty easy. We would ask them to give us an economical option (it is a cabin, afterall), and we would pick something from there. We started with the tile, which we are putting everywhere, and then built out from there. Our builder was really impressed with how much we accomplished in one day. So much so, that they didn't feel the need to meet with us again. Admittedly, we are still waiting on the blueprints, and contract, but I felt so much better after picking everything so that when they get started, they can just go.
Then, the next two days we spent getting baby stuff. First we went to this really great mall just outside of Calgary. If I wasn't pregnant, I could have done some serious spending damage - clothes, shoes, accessories, etc., but since I am, I really don't see the point in spending money on stuff that isn't baby related at this point (or house related). As my hubby says, "we are on an austerity program!" So, the day was spent buying maternity clothes (a bit depressing), and looking at strollers, which we eventually bought. Then, it was off to get a playpen, crib, dresser, crib tent (to prevent the cats from getting in), and some clothes.
When we dropped over $500 in one store on baby stuff (and I thought that was nothing), he started to loose it. He started to get really overwhelmed. And, my reaction wasn't very good. I got really offended and took it as if he wasn't interested in the baby and was really regretting our decision. I don't think that's it. I think he is just overwhelmed. At the end of the weekend, he asked me if we could please not talk about babies or baby stuff anymore.
I try not to be offended with stuff like that, and I shouldn't be. I think it is very different for us. Afterall, this is not happening directly to him like it is to me. I mean, he wasn't nauseated. He isn't getting big. He doesn't have cramps and worry that it is something bad all the time. So, for him, it is not quite real.
Some of the worries are the same for both of us. Sometimes I mourn what I know we are giving up: dinners out at the drop of a hat, sleeping in on weekends, sleep period, loud tv watching, independence and alone time, travelling (for me this is a big one). I keep saying to him that everyone says it is so worth it, and they wouldn't give it up for anything. If everyone who has kids says this (recognizing that sometimes your kids drive you crazy), why wouldn't it be true? It isn't like someone pulls you aside after the birth of your child, and tells you that now you are part of a special club that holds a conspiracy against all those people who don't have kids and are thinking about having them. You MUST tell them how good it is. You CANNOT tell them how much it sucks. That just doesn't seem likely.
At the same time, I am realistic. As I said, I know what we are giving up. I also have some idea of how hard the first little bit will be. I am sure that at some point I may even for a moment regret our decision (after nights of not sleeping and changing the 6th diaper in a short period of time), but I have to believe it will all be worth it in the end.
Maybe it isn't just my hubby that is feeling a little overwhelmed.