birthdays and bruised arms

My week this week definately made up for last week. My birthday was on Monday. I had a ton of well wishes from people, two different bouquets of gorgeous flowers, and dinner with friends. Then, after another fantastic dinner, my hubby and our two friends went to the Elton John concert! What a great concert! Despite being a short, funny, little man, with sausage fingers, he is a great performer. He played for almost 3 hours, signed autographs for 15 minutes and definately played to the crowd.
My calls this week were also pleasant. Sunday night on call for Obs, although tiring, was pleasant. Then, last night I worked with a great group of nurses who kept me laughing all night long. Most days I can't believe they pay me to do what I do (and as much!)! I enjoy most of the people I work with, love the patients, and love the challenge that every day and every case gives me. I was invigorated reading journals at work last night. I am awed by the people who do research to constantly improve our field. Progress is great, and fascinating.
I feel like I make a difference - to my patients mostly, but also the world, with my work. A little at a time, I make a difference.
Finally, today we went to the Travel Clinic. There is probably no better way to make your trip seem close then to get all the vaccinations you need. Man! MY ARMS HURT! I am sure it is all worth it, though. The minute I get over the feeling that I ran a marathon with only my deltoids, I am sure I will feel fantastic!
Speaking of marathon, I don't know if I blogged about it, but in short it was (yeah, you guessed it), great. I was comfortable throughout, had a decent time, sprinted to the end, and finished with a smile on my face! What an accomplishment! I don't think I will do a full marathon, but I definately liked the half. Maybe that will be a reason to go to a destination!
Anyhoo, things are good and back to "normal". Now, I just need to find a new hobby....

More Frustration

After having been working for a month, I have now experienced a bad week. It started with a very long day on Tuesday (see previous blog). Yesturday was fine - I did Ortho, I had a JURSI who was keen, and the day seemed to fly by. Today, not so much.
I worked with people today whose personalities clashed with my own. The unfortunate thing is that I knew from the time I looked at the slate that at least part of the day would be like that. I was geared up for a bad day to begin with. How can you fight with that? It might have been bad because I expected them to be bad. But it continued to get worse. When that half was over and I expected it to be better, it didn't. More personality issues. More problems. More Frustration.
One other problem is that even thought I know I am right, I don't always have the confidence to say something. Is it wrong to seek a second opinion? Is it wrong to get help? Just because I am "on my own" doesn't mean I should be left out to dry, does it? That is why most people open clinics with other people. Sure, they can share costs, but it is nice to get help and bounce ideas off of someone as well.
I try and be nicey-nice and that just doesn't seem to get you anywhere. It seems like all people respond to these days is bitchyness. They see me as some silly little girl, until I step up and don't back down. Well, that is really too bad. It was nice to know, however, that both the nurses I was working with, as well as other colleagues I spoke with, agreed with me in the situation. That definately made me feel better. It makes me think that I should have confidence, that I do know what I am taking about. And, if they don't like it, that is just too bad!
I guess everyone has bad days and bad weeks. Not everything goes smoothly all the time. I just wish it did.

hard day

I had a hard day today. It was really long. It seemed like nothing could possibly go right. A comedy of errors. So, after being there for 11 hours working, I came home and did what I usually do when I feel this crappy - Cry. As I sat on the couch crying and telling my hubby how bad a day it was, he consoled me. He told me that he (and everyone) had had days like that. That things don't always run perfect. As he told me that, and I listened to what I was actually upset about, it started not to sound too bad. Afterall, my patients woke up comfortable and completely stable, and isn't that what is important? I am hard on myself, but that is because I want to do well. I want to perform and prove to everyone that I have those letters behind my name for a reason! So, it sucks when things aren't smooth. Someday, I hope to look back on this and have learned from it.

crazy person?

I think I am a crazy person. Ok, not in the strictest sense of the word, but a little mental at least. Why? You ask. Why would someone who seemingly is loving her life and so happy be a bit mental? Well, that is just it. I feel a bit lost. I have been working for so long (my whole life, in fact) towards something, that now that I do not have a goal or ambition, I feel lost. I thought about taking a class, but university classes have already started. Not to mention that we will be away for 3 weeks straight. Then, I thought of taking a dance class, or a pottery class, but same problem. For it to be worth it, I should be here for the whole thing.
So, what can I do? Well, I did plan a three week trip to an exotic country. That did eat up a lot of time and energy, but it is complete now, just waiting for us to take off. Other options? I suppose I could throw myself into work, but I am not too sure how to do that. I don't do research (nor do I want to), I don't have a special position in the department (nor do I want one), and there is only so much reading one can do (especially after just studying the hardest I ever have for over a year straight).
A couple more ideas: I could start studying for the TEE course that we are attending in Feb (probably a good idea). I could read a lot of journals (and actually read them instead of just the abstracts). I could find a couple of aerobic classes (drop-ins). During the day I am busy at work, it is just at night.
I think all of those are good ideas. Then in Jan. if I still want to take a language or pottery class, I still can. That little engine that ran so hard for so long last year just doesn't want to stop.
I knew I could, I knew I could, I knew I could......