It still doesn't quite feel real. I keep having to stop myself from writing PGY5 at the end of my name. I keep expecting to look up and see my attending come back in from coffee. Maybe it will feel more real after I get paid for the first time.
Nonetheless, I am doing it. I not only survived my first week as an attending Anesthesiologist, but I enjoyed it. I did a whole host of cases - neuro (twice), gen surg, urology, ortho, and not all of them were completely straight forward. I even got a couple of compliments from the surgeons. Today, one even said that my spinal was in super fast!
I think this is going to be a great working environment. I already like all of the nurses. I know most of the surgeons, and like most of them, and I love my colleagues. I am finally starting to understand what my husband was talking about. It is so nice, too, to come home after a busy day and not have to study. I can do absolutely nothing after work if I want to, and not feel guilty! I have to be honest, though, I hvae picked up an anesthesiology book once or twice just to make sure I was on top of my game for the next day. I definately didn't learn anything new, but it did give me confidence the next day.
I am sure I will have "precall jitters", but at least I know my most trusted "friend" will be there looking out for me. Jurgen asked our scheduller if he could try to schedule us on call at the same time for the first few. That makes me feel better, as he knew it would. He really is sweet sometimes.
I am no longer counting down the days. I am no longer dreading something coming up. I am no longer living with that dark black cloud living over my head. Freedom is a wonderful thing!!